Christmas letter 2006
Yes, it’s been another boring year. I’ve spent most of my time surfing the internet. My wife has been volunteering at the church and the local school systems. The most excitement I get is when I clean the pool.
However, in this new era of Clintonian word speak and twenty four hour news excessoramas, I’ve decided to liven up our lives and present a fictional account of our exploits for the last year.
None of what I’m about to say is true, but, hey, it could have happened in a parallel universe somewhere. What is reality anyway? It is the formless consciousness of the neurological synapses of the human brain. So, as far as I’m concerned, truth is how you say it, as long as the words are spelled correctly.
Yes, it’s been another boring year. I’ve spent most of my time surfing the internet. My wife has been volunteering at the church and the local school systems. The most excitement I get is when I clean the pool.
However, in this new era of Clintonian word speak and twenty four hour news excessoramas, I’ve decided to liven up our lives and present a fictional account of our exploits for the last year.
None of what I’m about to say is true, but, hey, it could have happened in a parallel universe somewhere. What is reality anyway? It is the formless consciousness of the neurological synapses of the human brain. So, as far as I’m concerned, truth is how you say it, as long as the words are spelled correctly.
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Hello everyone. I proudly present our family Christmas letter for 2006. We’ve had a great year and want to share our accomplishments with the world.
Our cat, Black, saved the family in January of this year. An alligator had somehow broken through the screen and waddled into the pool. Black spied the intruder when I let her out in the morning and she immediately jumped into the pool and started scratching the alligator’s eyes out. It was a bloody sight. The gator quickly retreated back into the swamp from which it came. I tell you, we were this close to being killed by that gator. Hail, Black, our hero!!!
My wife, Millie Anna, has had quite a successful year. She volunteers for several organizations and is currently both president and vice president of fifty five charitable entities. She has single-handedly eradicated poverty in the northern portion of Colorado Springs. I’m so proud.
As for me, I’ve done fairly well myself. As a lark, I started a small web site which offered up advice to the woebegone. In the first month, I got ten million hits. I couldn’t answer all of the questions which were coming in, so I decided to charge twenty dollars for each answer. Once I established a method for readers to create Pay Pal accounts, the money started rolling in. I cleared sixty million dollars the first half of this year. But, hey, I have enough money, so I’m donating all of the profits from the site to the homeless coalition of Westchester County. Of course, expenses have eaten into the profits somewhat. However, I’ve been able to keep the profit margin to one half of one percent. I’m so proud.
And, the kids. Boy, they had a great year. My daughter, Chrissssy, is the associate head of the supplemental quality assurance division of the Summary Branch of the Capitol Bank. She assures that the money flows out of the investor’s hands and into the pockets of the corporate board. As a statement of her prowess in generating income, the president of the board now has a base salary of 2.4 million dollars and a supplemental yearly entitlement of 66.3 million dollars. Chrissssy only cleared fifty five thousand, but, hey, she is making a positive contribution to mankind.
And, the boy. As always, he did well. He created a system by which people can register as willful contributors toward mapping the human culture to the waterfall droplets which emanate from Victoria Falls in the microsecond following the emergence of the full moon on February 16, 2016. This will be a monumental event in human history. And the boy is responsible. I’m so proud.
There are many other stories to be told, but other obligations beckon. So, Peace be with you, brother. Southside.
Our cat, Black, saved the family in January of this year. An alligator had somehow broken through the screen and waddled into the pool. Black spied the intruder when I let her out in the morning and she immediately jumped into the pool and started scratching the alligator’s eyes out. It was a bloody sight. The gator quickly retreated back into the swamp from which it came. I tell you, we were this close to being killed by that gator. Hail, Black, our hero!!!
My wife, Millie Anna, has had quite a successful year. She volunteers for several organizations and is currently both president and vice president of fifty five charitable entities. She has single-handedly eradicated poverty in the northern portion of Colorado Springs. I’m so proud.
As for me, I’ve done fairly well myself. As a lark, I started a small web site which offered up advice to the woebegone. In the first month, I got ten million hits. I couldn’t answer all of the questions which were coming in, so I decided to charge twenty dollars for each answer. Once I established a method for readers to create Pay Pal accounts, the money started rolling in. I cleared sixty million dollars the first half of this year. But, hey, I have enough money, so I’m donating all of the profits from the site to the homeless coalition of Westchester County. Of course, expenses have eaten into the profits somewhat. However, I’ve been able to keep the profit margin to one half of one percent. I’m so proud.
And, the kids. Boy, they had a great year. My daughter, Chrissssy, is the associate head of the supplemental quality assurance division of the Summary Branch of the Capitol Bank. She assures that the money flows out of the investor’s hands and into the pockets of the corporate board. As a statement of her prowess in generating income, the president of the board now has a base salary of 2.4 million dollars and a supplemental yearly entitlement of 66.3 million dollars. Chrissssy only cleared fifty five thousand, but, hey, she is making a positive contribution to mankind.
And, the boy. As always, he did well. He created a system by which people can register as willful contributors toward mapping the human culture to the waterfall droplets which emanate from Victoria Falls in the microsecond following the emergence of the full moon on February 16, 2016. This will be a monumental event in human history. And the boy is responsible. I’m so proud.
There are many other stories to be told, but other obligations beckon. So, Peace be with you, brother. Southside.
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