Flow of Consciousness on the Redskins first game of 2006

Man, I was ready. After six long months of no football, I had the popcorn popped and the diet Pepsi chilled. It’s Monday Night Football, baby.

Joey T. and Tony are in the booth. Tom Cruise and Dan Snyder are in the King’s box. Jamie Fox is wandering around. This is big, I tell ya.

Over the last six months, I had watched endless video clips on redskins.com, read hundreds of articles on the net, diligently watched the draft on ESPN, scrutinized every trade, every cut, every new coach hire. I even worried if Portis was going to resurrect that Southeast Jerome character or Hanky Spanky.

I had even visualized what plays Al Saunders would call during the first series. I envisioned a run up the middle by Portis for the first play, then a myriad of defense flummoxing, awe inspiring trick plays and powerful, up-the-gut runs by Portis.

But, then the game began, and it was 2005 all over again. I saw Brunell limping around like an old plow horse that had been put out to pasture. I saw Portis getting slammed into the turf by Minnesota linebackers who looked like Dick Butkus, Ray Lewis and Jack Lambert.

And the Redskins defense. I had such high hopes. Andre Carter was going to be a sack machine. Adam Archileta was going to make more tackles than Ronnie Lott.

But, as the game unfolded, the 2006 defense looked more like the 02 Forty Niners than the 85 Bears.

The thing that tipped me off was that Sean Taylor seemed to be making all of the plays. I hate to tell Gregg Williams, but the safety is supposed to be the last line of the defense. Those other seven guys up front are supposed to be making some tackles too.

And, Al Saunders’ play calling. What was that? I know, I know. He was up in the coaches’ booth with a head set on. But, I know that he couldn’t have been calling those plays. If that wasn’t Joe Gibbs calling those plays, it was a clone of Woody Hayes. I watched the Chiefs play ball the last few years. They had one of the most innovative offenses in the league. Al was calling the plays. And, a few years ago in St. Louis, they had the greatest show on turf with Saunders contributing to the innovative offense of Warner, Faulk, and Holt. So, Saunders could not have been making those calls.

And then, Joe Gibbs post game comments. He’d already written the script before the game. He has two speeches, one if the Skins win, and one if they lose.

If they lose, he puts the blame on everyone: specials teams, offense, defense and all of the coaches. If they win, it was the players. The coaches just happened to put them in the right spot to make plays.

And then, the booth. Man, I could have smacked the whole group, most notable the producer. I love Tony, but he kept harping on the money. Tony lamented that “Al Saunders is making two mil and those are the plays he calls?” Tony, don’t worry about the money. To Snyder, two mil is pocket change. As long as Snyder makes a big profit and the fans continue to flock to Fed Ex Field and pay exorbitant prices for everything, there is no need to mention money. Tony, Tony, Tony. Just concentrate on the game. Make a few jokes. You had a good one when you were in Jacksonville for a preseason game. You talked about the heat. You said something like “It’s hot in D.C., but in Jacksonville they have Indonesian heat.” Now, that’s a funny line. Stick to the jokes, Tony.

And Joey T. Could you be any more middle of the road? To Joey T., it’s not what you say or how you say it; it’s how much you say. T must have been muzzled as a child. He has so much information to provide in such a little time. T, lighten up. Tony is not going to steal your airtime.

And the producer. He somehow let Jamie Fox into the broadcasting booth. Okay, I said to myself, a couple of minutes of arcane chit chat, and then get him out of there. Unfortunately, he launched into a diatribe about the plays he made as a quarterback in high school, the roles he missed on the big screen and how Tom Cruise got to sit up front with Danny Boy while he had to sit on the second row of chairs.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. It’s not all about you. This is MNF, for gosh sakes. Make a cursory entrance and exit, and let us concentrate on the game.

I thought it was a good game. I can’t wait for next week.