West Virginia Speciation: A farcical look at macroevolution in them there hills

Being from West Virginia, I sometimes get kidded about the speciation phenomena shown by the humans who venture out of the hills of West Virginia.

My golf buddy, Ron, attributes the problem to deliberate inbreeding. I’ve always laughed off his conjectures in the past, but, since studying some scientific articles about the theory of macroevolution, I have concluded that Ron may be on to something.

Ron surmises that this inbreeding has created a new species with characteristics which are counterintuitive to the human genome.

Ron’s hypothesis is obviously absurd, since it takes between one hundred thousand and four million years to create a new species. However, he may be correct in observing that a human variation with unique attributes may have been created.

It’s a variation on the old story that if you put one thousand Saint Bernards on an island where they are isolated from all other Saint Bernards, a new species would emerge after several thousands of years through the process of inbreeding and mutation, assuming the island environment is conducive to maintaining life.

Look at the facts. West Virginians are notorious for sticking with their own kind. They seldom venture out of the hills unless forced by economic factors. They are distrustful of humans who venture into their area from the flat lands.

So, Ron may be right. Because of this self induced, forced isolation, a slight human mutation may have occurred which has rendered West Virginians characteristics not normally found in the general population.

Of course, some of the characteristics are beneficial: increased intelligence, superior athletic ability, and greater analytical skills. But, is there a dark side to these phenomena?

Yes, because of the superiority of this mutation, the lesser, inferior version of human may be cast aside. I.e., we may all become mountaineers!!!

So, what kind of world would we have if we were all mountaineers?

It wouldn’t be John Lennon’s world, with no hell below us, above us only sky.

It wouldn’t be John Kerry’s world of global conciliation.

It would turn into George Bush’s world of confrontation in the face of adversity.

It would be Randy Moss’s world of working when he wants to work, playing when he wants to play.

The world will be different, but will it be better? That’s the question that future historians will have to answer.