The Obama Way

They had a poll the other day.  I happened upon the results while casually perusing the www and scarfing down my morning breakfast cereal.  At first glance, the poll seemed to be non-controversial.  In fact, it seemed useless to me.  Who cares what people like on their ice cream?  It’s a personal choice.  And, there are myriad choices which are just as good as or better than any other choice.  It depends on your palate at the moment of ingestion, I opine.

The poll question was simple.   Which do you like better as a topping for a serving of ice cream:  chocolate syrup or bacon bits?

The answer seemed obvious to me.  Who in their right mind is going to want bacon flavor on his ice cream.  Well, the results showed a favorability rating of ninety percent for the chocolate syrup.  It was a no-brainer, indeed.

Somehow, over the next few days, I noticed some more articles about this inane subject.  The White House suddenly became interested in this poll.  President Obama, in his infinite wisdom, decided that the study needed more analysis.  He thought that there was an epiphany lurking somewhere within the data; a nugget of wisdom that nobody else had ever discovered; a gem of prophesy that foretold the future as related to the survival of all mankind, maybe.

After a few days, he apparently decided that he couldn’t hold back the wisdom that he felt within himself.  He had to let it out.  He had to allow the world to see inside the wonder which was his own perfect mind.  So, he hastily called a news conference to discuss his ideas on the subject.  Here are some excerpts from his speech.

“My fellow Americans, I’ve discovered a problem that can be resolved.  I’ve found that ninety percent of the people who live in this great republic prefer chocolate syrup on their ice cream.  I’m in total agreement with this assessment.  So, I’m going to petition Congress to pass a law mandating that if any American decides to eat a bowl of ice cream, chocolate syrup must be used as a topping, without exception.  We cannot allow ten percent of our population to unilaterally decide which topping that they want.  My gosh, someone from West Virginia might want to put bacons bits on ice cream.  What a travesty that would be.  We cannot stand idly by without making a stand and doing the right thing.  If ninety percent of the people living in this great country prefer chocolate on their ice cream, we should create a law mandating that preference.  And, we should create a cabinet entity to ensure that this mandate is followed.  We’ll build a grand edifice in Prince George’s County to house the government workers who will oversee this process.  And, by creating this governmental entity, we will be creating jobs for that particular county and generate revenue for the cash strapped state of Maryland.  I’ll provide more details in the days ahead.”

Well, over the next few weeks, I followed the progress of this particular legislative maneuvering with great interest and greater expectation.  After going through the labyrinth of congressional maneuvering, the proposal came to a vote and was defeated in the Senate by a margin of three votes.  Needless to say, our great President was devastated by the news.  According to reliable reports, he could not understand how the Congress could have the temerity to vote against a proposal which was supported by ninety percent of the American people.    As far as I can tell, he is going to continue this battle until he can prevail.  Or until his rental property contract on Pennsylvania Avenue expires.