Doctor Semigloss

I recently moved back to Virginia after a decade in Florida.  I knew that I was in for a cultural shock for the first few months of settling into my new environment.  In the area of Florida that I had lived in, most of the residents were from New York and New Jersey.  They were a feisty bunch, to say the least.  However, once you got past the bravado, the loud talking and the subtle attempts at intimidation, I found that I enjoyed their company.

The New Yorkers have an attitude, obviously.  But, once you get to know them, they are mostly honest, hard working and kind.  I never met a person down there who didn't turn out to be a good person.  And, smart.  I admire their intellectual level and their street smarts.  Eventually, I fit right in with them.

Now, Virginia is a different culture altogether.  Where I now reside, we are a conglomeration of wise and stupid, kind and obnoxious, fair and sneaky...Just like any other place.  But, I have met some great characters of the kind which I didn't have the pleasure of meeting up with in Florida.

One of the characters I have enjoyed interfacing with is a guy who calls himself Doctor Semigloss.  He is a general handyman type of guy who believes that he can do anything around the house as long as you let him use his pliers, his duct tape and his paint brush.  He perceives himself to be the fixer upper extraordinaire.

I first met him as I was attempting to find someone to paint my garage door.  I called several supposed handymen in the area but none of them wanted to take on the painting job.  I couldn't figure that out since painting a garage door seemed to me to be one of the simplest of handyman tasks.  So, after some contemplation and many abject failures, I decided to go into town, buy some paint and then either do the job myself or maybe run into someone eventually.  Luckily, I found a paint can in the garage which had a post-it note on it saying front door paint.  The front door was painted an antique red and looked nice.  My wife and I envisioned the garage door in the same color.

So, I googled paint stores in my area and found the closest one.  And, off we went to buy some paint.  My wife was driving, so in order to defray boredom for a few seconds, I decided to look more closely at the paint can which contained the magic antique red paint.  I suddenly realized that there was a bar code on the side of the can which identified the store where the paint was bought.  And, there was a cryptic mention of "Doctor Semigloss."  I didn't know if that name referred to the paint establishment or what.

We quickly adjusted our travel destination on our navigation system to route us to the Sherwin Williams paint store where this can of paint had been purchased.  When we arrived at the store, I told the clerk that I wanted a gallon of this antique red paint.  He looked at the label and the bar code info and said that he would have it for me in a minute.  When he came back to the counter after finding the paint and mixing it, I asked him who or what was this Doctor Semigloss which was referred to on the side of the paint can.  He said that a gentleman who lives in our subdivision uses that moniker for his business.  The clerk said that his real name is John Norman.  So, I said, "Let me get this straight.  This guy with the two first names consciously chooses to call himself Doctor Semigloss?"  The clerk said that, yes, Doctor Semigloss had been around forever and still does a good business in our area.  The clerk did say that he thought that Doctor Semigloss had some medical issues so he gave me the names of two other painters in the area in case Doctor Semigloss didn't work out.

So, finally, I had found someone who I perceived might be interested in painting my garage door.  Obviously, he had painted the front door, so why not the garage door?

After buying the paint and coming home, I called Doctor Semigloss.  He seemed friendly and immediately agreed to come over and give me an estimate.  He arrived two hours later, took a cursory look at the door and told me that he would paint it for one hundred dollars.  I readily agreed and asked him when he could get started.  He said sometime next week.

After two weeks passed, Doctor Semigloss suddenly appeared at my front door.  He said that he was there to paint the garage door.  In order to poke him a little for not coming back sooner, I asked him who he was, and he said that he was Doctor Semigloss, the person I talked to two weeks ago.  I feigned fake recognition and said that I was happy to see him and looked forward to him getting started.  He said, "Well, I can't start today.  I just stopped by to tell you that I'll be here tomorrow, bright and early, to get started."

And, amazingly, he did arrive around eight o'clock the next morning, seemingly ready to go.  I let him at it while I went back to my computer to play some fantasy golf.  After an hour had gone by, I heard Doctor Semigloss ring the doorbell.  He told me that someone had used silicone caulking on the door and he was having trouble removing it.  He said that he needed to go home and get some solvent to remove the old caulking and he then would need to sand and re-caulk those distressed areas with acrylic caulking, instead of silicone.  I was impressed with his deep understanding of the properties of silicone and acrylic and the proper use of them on this particular job.  I agreed with his assessment and told him to do what he needed to do.

Well, Doctor Semigloss fell ill a little bit after leaving our house and ended up in the hospital for a few days.  He gave me some details but I was only half listening.  There was some noise about liver cancer, emphysema and, I believe, a heart murmur.  But, overall, it didn't seem that bad, so I asked him when he was going to get back to working on my garage door.  He told me that he would be there tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and went along with a myriad other tomorrows.  After what seemed to be a short two weeks, Doctor Semigloss reappeared at my doorstep ready to go.  He spent the rest of the day painting, sanding, wiping, applying what appeared to be a spackling type material and going and coming every half hour to who knows where.

As dusk approached, Doctor Semigloss informed me that he couldn't quite get done today.  He would need a couple of hours tomorrow to finish the job.  I readily agreed and waited patiently for his supposed return the next day.  Well, Doctor Semigloss got sick again.  I didn't bother to ask what his current ailment was.  I just imagined the worst and hoped that he best get back here someday to finish the job.

Doctor Semigloss did come back in a few days and finished.  I must say that he did an outstanding job.  But, what amazes me is that he took a one day job and somehow turned it into a two month ordeal.  And, all of that for one hundred dollars.  One way to think about the experience is that I got quite a deal.  Doctor Semigloss invested at least twenty working hours into this job.  So, he only made five bucks an hour.  So, I got a deal, I guess.

Or, you could also say that if I could have found someone else, he could have finished the job in a day and we would have been done with it.

And, of course, I could have done the job myself.  But, if I had, I wouldn't now be sitting at level 113 of my fantasy golf game.  I'd still be stuck at 101 or less.

But, hey, it was quite an experience.  I got to meet the famous Doctor Semigloss.  I now have what looks to be a shiny new garage door.  And, I learned a little more about human interaction and human foibles.

A nice trade off, maybe.