Bingo Bango Bongo

After I retired, I usually played golf once or twice a week with three of my old work buddies. We normally just played for the fun of it and thus didn't engage in many betting games. I think that the other three guys liked to play for money, but, I, being the weakest player, felt at a disadvantage and always tried to steer them away from any betting at all. Hey, I was shelling out forty bucks a round to play. I didn't want to lose another ten bucks to them by choking because of some stupid bet. For one thing, it was embarrassing. For another, they gloated too much when they happened to win.

My best ploy to discourage betting was to pronounce that I would play for money if we raised the stakes to some meaningful amount. For example, instead of playing for nickels and dimes, I would propose that we play for some real money, like ten bucks a hole. Usually, this counter-offer met with disdain and no further mention of money changing hands.

However, there were a few times when I would give in and play with a few bucks on the line. I remember one time when, in a weak moment, I reluctantly agreed to participate in a silly game called bingo bango bongo. In the google matrix, the game is explained thusly:

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Bingo Bango Bongo is a points-based game that can be played by any number of players, from two up.

In Bingo Bango Bongo, three types of achievements are rewarded with a point. The first player in a group to get his ball on the green gets a point (bingo). The player in the group whose ball is closest to the pin once all balls are on the green gets a point (bango). And the player in the group who is first to hole out gets a point (bongo).
Add up the points at the end of the game, high points wins.

Bingo Bango Bongo gives weaker players a chance to earn points because what matters is being first at something. For example, all members of the group tee off on a par-4. The player who hit the worst drive (farthest from the hole) plays first, and so has the first shot at winning the bingo point.

So, too, with closest to the pin. The best players in the group are likely to be on the green in two (or three on a par-5), while the weakest players might be chipping. The closest-to-the-pin point is only earned once all balls are on the green, so the player who has hacked it up the fairway may be sitting just off the green and chipping - giving that player a great chance to pick up the bango point.

Because of these factors (and because the first person putting will be the one farthest from the hole), strict etiquette must be enforced. The player who is away always plays first.
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The game seemed perfectly suited to my tastes, so I agreed to try it for a round. To my dismay, the game didn't seem to give me the advantage that I thought it would. I quickly found that the other three players could strategize their way into putting themselves into an advantageous position to steal away those points. It took me several holes to realize that I needed to stop trying to post a good score and concentrate fully on winning those points. In other words, I had to play bad in order to win.

That might seem like an easy adjustment, but I couldn't make myself deliberately settle for a triple bogey in order to win a point. I just couldn't do it.

However, I hung in there for seventeen holes. At that point, we were all basically even in terms of the points won. There was no breakaway winner and so the guy with the most points was only going to win a couple of bucks anyway.

So, I hatched a plan. I purposely maneuvered myself so that I was away after all of us had reached the green. The other three guys were three, four and six feet from the cup. I was twenty feet away and thus in complete control since the person furthest from the hole had the exclusive right to putt before anyone else.

That's when the fun began. My first putt went two feet. I uttered a cursory "oops." I then putted again. Oops, two feet again. At this point, Jerry was getting a tad miffed. Ray and Phil were still acting cool, but I knew that I could eventually get to them also.

After five more putts, I had only moved my ball a total of ten feet. At this point, Jerry walked off the green muttering what I perceived were curse words even though I knew that he never cursed.

Then, Ray walked over to me, stared directly into my eyes, and said, "Okay, you proved your point. Now, putt the damn ball."

Since he didn't tell me to putt it into the hole, I putted it past the hole by eight feet. I then decided that my fun was over and lined up the putt to try to make it. I tried my best, but missed by a half an inch. Phil then made his putt to win the point.

I tell you, it was a long ride home. And, it was a much longer time between golf outings with those guys. In fact, that's the last time we ever played together.

I finally realized that our foursome was officially null and void. So, I recruited a new partner to join me on the links. We played a few rounds and enjoyed ourselves immensely. I was starting to not regret antagonizing my old foursome.

However, on my third outing with my new buddy, Ron, he suddenly said, "Let's play a money game today, what do you say?"

I quickly retorted, "Yeah, I know this great game. It's called Bingo Bango Bongo. I love to play that."

Ron responded, "Yeah. I know that game. Let's do it."

Ron didn't know what he was in for.