Valley Falls

My buddy Johnny invited me to go with him to Valley Falls one lazy summer afternoon. He also invited his sister, Sally, and another friend, Steve.

I jumped at the chance to go with him. Johnny was one of my best friends while we were in high school and college. We were complete opposites in every way, so we got along great. He was the consummate jock while I was the intellectual sycophant. Even though he was dirt poor, he had supreme self assurance. Even though I had all of the material goods I could want, I was the ultimate self defeatist. But, the best thing Johnny had going for him was a good looking sister, whom I covertly coveted.

Johnny’s dad allowed Johnny and Sally to use the family car, a 1951 white Ford station wagon, to make the trip. This vehicle was so clunky that it became, in my mind’s eye, the coolest drive around. It might have been a station wagon, but that V-8 engine could get that jalopy up to ninety five mph in a hurry. Johnny and I proved that on many trips to Grafton.

The siblings were the worst drivers I have ever seen, before or since. Sally tended to drive slowly and methodically but didn’t seem to comprehend the concept of attentiveness. She tended to drift off into a nether world of inattentiveness which resulted in all sorts of calamity. She tended to drift up onto the curb as she drove and sometimes ran into the back of the vehicle she was following. Her usual retort after one of her misadventures was “Why didn’t you tell me as I was going to hit that?” My response was usually “You are always about to hit something.”

Now, Johnny, he was also a special case. He had good hand-eye coordination so he could keep himself out of wrecks, unlike his sister. But, Johnny always drove five miles faster than his ability to control the vehicle. He was relentlessly reckless. I don’t know how he lived to be twenty one.

So, on this particular day, we four tumbled into the station wagon and headed to Valley Falls. Johnny drove and I rode shotgun. Sally and Steve were relegated to the back seat. I would have much rather been in the back with Sally, but had to keep my cover, so I demanded and received the privilege of riding shotgun. The road to Valley Falls was not unlike most of the roads around our fair city. It was basically a loop de loop up and down the rolling hills which comprised the topography of that region. Johnny was at his usual best at scaring the hell out of everyone who rode with him. His driving style was akin to the methods used by the drivers who participated in the Pike’s Peak runs. I expected to die every second.

The last two miles down to the falls was the most harrowing. It was a one lane road with switch backs. Most normal drivers drove down the embankment as it they were traversing a school zone. Johnny drove down as if he were playing Pole Position at the mall arcade. He had no regard for the fact that we would all have been killed if he met another car on one of the switch backs.

When we arrived at the parking lot at the Falls, Steve, Sally and I let out an audible sigh of relief. Johnny couldn’t understand the consternation of the other three participants of this Kamikaze mission.

After regaining our composure, the four of us bounded out of the station wagon and ran toward the Falls. It was a beautiful area. A lazy river meandered down to a drop-off area where a water fall had formed. The whole area was framed on both sides by sloping hills which rose several hundred feet above the falls. As we got closer to the falls, the sound of the rushing water was almost deafening.

As usual, there were a few dozen people in the area, enjoying the natural beauty and the tension formed by the danger and trepidation caused by the force and speed of the water as it tumbled over the fall area. At the bottom of the falls, rapids had been formed by the confluence of rock outcroppings and the narrowing of the river channel.

When we got to the river’s edge, we three boys headed toward the main waterfall area as Sally walked down the river bank to a secluded area where she could sunbathe in peace. I have to admit that I was torn between the option of sunbathing with a good looking girl or swimming in a raging river with a couple of doofuses. It was an incontrovertible decision, so I chose the falls.

We waded out to the area where the falls where the highest. At first, we walked behind the falls in a cave like area which had been formed over the eons. Then, we all had to attempt the manhood swim. There was an expanse of smooth water directly below the falls which seemed benign but, in actuality, rushed quickly downstream toward a lower level pool. The game was to attempt to swim across that expanse without being swept down to the lower level. One didn’t need to be an expert swimmer to accomplish this feat. You just had to muscle your way over as quickly as possible. On this particular day, all three of us made it across without being dumped into the lower pool, so we felt good about ourselves.

Johnny then decided that he wanted to ride some of the rapids beside and downstream of the main falls. At this point, I grabbed the opportunity to explain that I had hurt my shoulder on the swim and needed to take a break for awhile. I told Johnny and Steve that I was going to find Sally and hang out with her until my shoulder stopped throbbing. They quickly agreed and as they ran toward the rapids, I headed toward the rocky enclosure that Sally used as her natural tanning salon.

After finding Sally, I sat down and attempted to convince her that she should actually talk to me. After an hour had gone by, all I had gotten was sunburn which wasn’t soothed by the silent treatment I was getting. Out of the blue, Johnny appeared and told me that Steve and he needed me to help them ride the rapids. They were going to attempt to ride the rapids in an area which was blocked off to the public. The rapids in that area were too steep and narrow for the ordinary swimmer. That’s why Johnny wanted to try it. He wanted me to station myself halfway down the longest chute so that I could redirect them from a fall off area.

I immediately agreed to the foolishness so that I could make a graceful exit from the silent one. We walked to the rapids and Johnny told me where to stand and how to redirect them as they came by. My only question was “What if I miss?” Johnny’s response was “Don’t.”

Johnny and Steve made their way back to the top of the rapids and yelled that they were coming. I waited about twenty seconds and then saw Johnny coming towards me, arms and legs flailing against the current. When Johnny was some fifty feet from me, I heard Sally cry out from the distance. I glanced up and saw her on top of the hill waving a bottle of suntan lotion. I thought, man, that bikini is looking good. At this precise moment, Johnny ran into my legs and bounced to the wrong side of the rapids. My job was to redirect him to the inside, but instead I had sent him careening toward the fall off area. He was launched out of the water and flung into a waste area where trees, garbage and other unmentionable items had landed. He landed head first with a sickening thud. As I was watching Johnny hit the ground, Steve flew by me and was launched in the same manner as Johnny. Luckily, Steve’s fall was cushioned when he landed on top of Johnny.

I looked back up at Sally, and when we made eye contact, she threw the suntan lotion at me. Luckily, she couldn’t throw any better than she could drive.

Steve pulled Johnny out of the fall area and resuscitated him. After a few minutes, Johnny came to and seemed none the worse for wear.

After we all had reconnoitered, we were ready to head home. The only problem was that the other three weren’t too happy with my conduct that day. They decided to ditch me right there.

I walked back up to the public area and quickly found some high school buddies to give me a lift home.

I don’t know why everybody got so upset with me. I was just trying to help.