Bob IM’s Deemic, the Biblical Scholar

Bob: Hey, Deemic. I haven’t talked to you for awhile. What’s up?

Deemic: Not much, Bob. By the way, how did you get my address?

Bob: I googled your name.

Deemic: I plead infringement on my right to privacy!!!

Bob: Uh, okay… Later.

Deemic: No wait. Since you found me, what do you want?

Bob: I just wanted to say hey.

Deemic: Hey.

Bob: I read your discussion about religious fringe groups on the internet.

Deemic: So.

Bob: It was interesting. I didn’t know you were so religious.

Deemic: Listen, you don’t know me at all.

Bob: True, but the article you wrote had merit.

Deemic: Are you talking about the treatise on the Israelis reclaiming Palestine and stepping in as the number one group in God’s lineup?

Bob: Yes, but the manner in which you expressed that idea was somewhat controversial.

Deemic: Well, I told it like I think it is. I applied logic and semantic formalism to the formation of a theory of revelation on the logical evaluation of Biblical narratives.

Bob: Your position seems to hinge on the postulate that the scripture writers were indeed divinely inspired.

Deemic: True

Bob: So, you see no conflicts in the Bible?

Deemic: No, not if you take into account the idea that figurative language is used extensively in the Bible and therefore, must be analyzed thoroughly in context to grasp the true sense of the narrative. Narratives cannot always be taken literally.

Bob: Very true. But, applying mathematical logic to a narrative has some risks. How could all of the Biblical writers be in sync throughout the great masterpiece, including the New Testament, when the narratives were written in different times and places with little collaboration?

Deemic: Divine Inspiration.

Bob: Oh yeah…right. My bad. Uh, I think that you have introduced another variable, figurative context, into the equation for proving the Bible to be true.

Deemic: That’s true to some extent, even though your expression of the concept is somewhat pedantic. First of all, I’m not trying to prove the Bible to be true; I have faith that it is true.

Bob: Maybe. Are you also using a concept similar to the mathematical Peano postulates as a starting point for your Biblical thesis?

Deemic: Yes, in a lay sense.

Bob: That’s cool. But would you allow me to attempt to trap you with your own postulates?

Deemic: Sure, you can try. But, you know you are doomed to failure. First of all, I didn’t create any postulates.

Bob: We’ll see. First, I’ll create an imaginary narrative postulate which would equate somewhat to the creation of imaginary mathematical postulates which can be used to create a new number system.

Deemic: Have at it.

Bob: God exists. Man exists. God created man. Man creates language. Man writes about God.

Deemic: I think that is quite enough. You know that there were only three original Peano postulates.

Bob: Okay…I’m getting there. Let’s take those postulates as our source for the Biblical narrative. What would then logically follow?

Deemic: Man’s writings about God are analyzed and the ones deemed divinely inspired are collected into a great masterpiece, called the Bible.

Bob: Wait, a minute. Who decides which writings are divinely inspired?

Deemic: God’s apostles.

Bob: Apostles don’t exist in the imaginary world I created with the five postulates I proposed.

Deemic: No, but they can easily be derived by using a successor clause.

Bob: My system does not have a successor clause.

Deemic: Hey, you’re just making up rules as you see fit.

Bob: No, I just want you to stick to my original rules.

Deemic: This is silly. Your rules suck.

Bob: Well, my imaginary world is clear and clean; free of controversy.

Deemic: So what? We’re living in the real world. Forget about your imaginary postulates. Why don’t you do something useful, and derive the Divine postulates?

Bob: I can’t.

Deemic: That’s right. You’re too stupid.

Bob: No, I’m not divine.

Deemic: Oops…you got me. Hey, I’m changing my address, and if you attempt to contact me in the future, I’ll have a restraining order issued against you.

Bob: Fair enough. But, let me leave you with these final words…Adam is man, but not all men are not Adams.